By Manfred Kets de Vries
Let’s face it — being in the upper echelons of leadership is a little like starring in your own surrealistic play. Everyone is properly dressed, everything looks neat and tidy, and yet chaos reigns. Not loud, dramatic chaos but the slow, grinding kind that leaks from the tiny cracks in human behaviour.
Over the years, I’ve observed that it’s not the catastrophic decisions that sink leadership teams. No, it’s the low-grade interpersonal antics — the passive-aggressive email, the meeting hijacked by ego, the oh-so-subtle eye roll — that do the real damage. The human psyche is a peculiar machine, and nowhere is this more evident than in the conference room.
Here are ten behaviour patterns that are surprisingly common among executives. They don’t show up on balance sheets, but they quietly drive everyone crazy.
1. Always wanting to win
Ah, there are the executives who treat every meeting like a high-stakes tennis match. Even if we’re discussing cafeteria menu options, they must win. These individuals are not here to collaborate — they are here to conquer. They turn strategic retreats into gladiatorial combat and brainstorming sessions into battlegrounds.
Of course, a little competitiveness never hurts anyone. But when winning becomes compulsive, teamwork turns into a turf war. The desire to be right trumps the desire to be effective, creating in the organisation a silo mentality. Somewhere, deep down, a small inner child is shouting, “Look at me!” — but unfortunately, they’re wearing very expensive suits.
And it’s exhausting. Members of these teams learn to stop offering new ideas, knowing they’ll be steamrolled. Meetings turn into performance art, where the goal is not solving problems but surviving the next verbal duel. You may even notice people turning off their cameras in virtual meetings, partly to hide their eye rolls.
2. Taking credit where you don’t deserve it
Some executives collect credit like frequent flyer miles. A team success? “Yes, I was instrumental in that.” A good idea from a junior colleague? “Glad you liked what I proposed.”
Credit-hogging is a quiet killer of morale. It teaches people not to speak up, not to try, not to trust. The worst part? These executives often don’t even realise that they’re doing it. They’ve simply learned to breathe in oxygen and exhale self-congratulation. It’s almost a reflex: good things happen, and their name somehow materialises at the top of the summary slide.
True leadership means letting others take the bow. The best leaders know that the more you shine the spotlight on others, the more it reflects back on you. There is a peculiar grace in applause that is given, not taken.
3. Not taking personal responsibility
Mistakes happen. It’s part of the leadership equation. But for some, the reflex is not reflection — it’s deflection. “It wasn’t me,” they insist, with all the conviction of a toddler next to a spilled bowl of cereal.
Blaming others might buy temporary comfort, but it mortgages long-term trust. It doesn’t make for a safe environment. In comparison, real leaders say things like, “I dropped the ball,” “This one’s on me,” or “I’m the donkey.” And yes, it stings. But it also builds a kind of credibility that no LinkedIn endorsement ever will.
Unfortunately, organisations are often led by people with selective amnesia. Successes? “Mine.” Failures? “Let’s talk about where the members of the team fell short.” That level of convenient forgetfulness would be admirable if it weren’t so maddening.
4. Being a “yes-butter,” not a “why-notter”
“Yes, but…” is the velvet-gloved way of saying, “No.” It allows one to maintain the illusion of openness while thoroughly extinguishing the spark of new ideas.
“Yes-buttery” is a form of sophisticated sabotage. It dresses up as wisdom but acts like fear. In contrast, the “why-notter” lives in the exhilarating (and terrifying) land of possibility. They don’t blindly accept, but they engage. They poke, they prod, they play. They don’t just guard the gate, they open it, if only to see what’s outside.
The workplace needs fewer gatekeepers of gloom and more midwives of invention. A little curiosity can go a long way, even if it sometimes leads to wild ideas about office composting or AI-generated performance reviews.
5. Withholding information
Information is power — and some executives guard it like dragons hoarding gold. They dole it out in teaspoons, convinced that their control over knowledge equals control over outcomes. Unfortunately, it just equals confusion and mistrust.
Being transparent isn’t about giving away state secrets. It’s about trusting that your colleagues are not out to sabotage you. In healthy teams, information flows like water, not like rationed wine at a stingy dinner party.
Also, let’s be honest: everyone finds out anyway. The only question is whether they hear it from you or from the office rumour mill. And when you’re the last to know what everyone else already knows, the silence can be deafening.
6. Not giving recognition to others
Recognition is free. It takes two seconds, and makes people feel good. So naturally, some executives avoid it like the plague. Why compliment someone when you can just nod vaguely and move on?
This isn’t always malicious. Sometimes it’s just forgetfulness, or tunnel vision, or a deep-seated belief that if no one praises you, no one else should get praise either. But here’s the tragicomic twist: The more credit you give away, the more people respect you. Funny how that works.
Also, recognising others doesn’t diminish your star. It just makes you the kind of leader people actually want to work with. The kind that gets invited to retirement parties and remembered in toasts.
7. Not listening
You can always spot a non-listener in a meeting. They’re the ones whose mouths twitch slightly while others speak, mentally loading their next monologue. After all, by really listening, they would just forget what they want to say. Sometimes, however, they nod sagely while clearly thinking about lunch.
Listening isn’t just about staying quiet. It’s about actually being there. Executives who listen well are rare, and they’re usually the ones people want to follow. Because when someone really hears you, you feel seen. And in leadership, feeling seen is extremely motivating.
Also, let’s not pretend listening is easy. It takes discipline. It requires the radical act of not interrupting. It means saying, “Tell me more,” when you’d rather say, “Let’s move on.”
8. Being inconsistent
Some leaders are like weather in April — sunshine one moment, snowstorm the next. You never know which version will show up. Will it be Kind Boss or Raging Cyclone? Strategic Visionary or Micro-Managing Gremlin?
Inconsistency, however, breeds paranoia. Hence, the members of your team will spend more energy predicting your mood than doing their jobs. And it is exhausting. The antidote? A bit of self-awareness, some grounding routines, and maybe a good night’s sleep.
Consistency doesn’t mean monotony. It means being dependable in your values, even if the winds of change are blowing. It means people don’t have to check your horoscope before they ask for a raise.
9. Always being negative
There are those who, no matter what, will find the flaw. Show them a rainbow, and they’ll complain about the rain. Bring up a new idea, and they’ll remind you that the last time someone tried something new, it failed.
These “realists” often see themselves as guardians of reason. But relentless negativity doesn’t make you wise — it makes you a buzzkill. The best leaders balance skepticism with belief. They can see the cracks, but they still build.
Optimism doesn’t mean delusion. It means the courage to hope, even when the metrics are discouraging. Leaders who can laugh in the face of setbacks are often the ones others want to follow through the storm.
10. Explosive behaviour
Finally, the executive volcano. Most of the time, they simmer ominously. Then — boom. A snide comment, a slammed door, an all-staff email sent at 1:43 a.m. in full caps.
Even rare outbursts leave deep scorch marks. They create climates of fear, and fear is no friend to creativity. Contrary to myth, you can be passionate without being volatile. You can care deeply without melting down.
If anger is a regular visitor, it might be time to look inward. Therapy, coaching, mindfulness, pick your flavour. But know this: emotional intelligence isn’t optional. It’s the bedrock of sustainable leadership.
Conclusion: the difficult art of leading humans
If this list feels uncomfortably familiar, congratulations — you’re human. We’ve all been guilty of these behaviours at some point. Maybe not all of them (hopefully), but certainly enough to recognise the pattern.
The great cosmic joke of leadership is that while you’re managing markets, budgets, and strategies, the hardest part is managing yourself. The behaviour patterns that are mentioned don’t come from evil intentions. They come from fear, habit, ego, or sheer fatigue. But they can be unlearned.
Leadership is not about being perfect. It is about being willing to evolve. To laugh at yourself. To apologise. To listen better next time. It’s about noticing when your inner child is driving the executive bus — and gently taking the wheel back.
After all, the best leaders aren’t the ones who never drive others crazy. They’re the ones who realise when they do — and choose to do better. That, in the end, is what separates those who merely manage from those who truly lead.