The Narcissus Paradox: When Self-Love Powers (and Poisons) Leadership

Mar 26, 2025 | Leadership, Narcissism

Walk into any high-performing organisation, and you’ll likely find a leader with that special combination of vision, charisma, and absolute certainty that draws people in. Behind many success stories stands someone who profoundly believes in their vision and capabilities. What you’re witnessing is often the power of narcissism in leadership – a complicated force that’s simultaneously essential and potentially destructive.

A Necessary Ingredient

Narcissism in leadership isn’t the villain it’s often portrayed to be, and a healthy dose of narcissism is often a prerequisite for leadership. Think about it – you need the genuine conviction that you can inspire others and the confidence to step up and lead. That unwavering belief in your vision and capabilities gives followers something solid to rally behind. Narcissism also helps leaders stand firm when doubts arise and convince others that yes, this direction is worth pursuing.

When the Medicine Becomes Poison

Here’s where it gets tricky. Narcissism is like a powerful elixir – the right amount helps, but too much becomes toxic. Like any powerful force, narcissism exists on a spectrum with dramatically different manifestations at each end.

In the Shadow Side of Leadership, Manfred Kets de Vries distinguishes between two types of narcissistic leaders:

On one side, we find constructive narcissists – leaders whose self-confidence enables rather than undermines. These individuals typically received age-appropriate frustration in childhood and enough challenge to develop resilience without overwhelming them. They’ve cultivated positive self-esteem balanced with genuine empathy. They pursue greatness not just for personal glory but to benefit others, and they consult with their teams before making major decisions.

On the other end sit reactive narcissists. These leaders often experienced childhood environments with too much, too little, or inconsistent stimulation. As adults, they carry a legacy of insecurity they’ve learned to mask with grandiosity. They become fixated on power, prestige, and superiority. Life becomes a zero-sum game where they must win at all costs. They resist sharing power, struggle with criticism, and may respond with anger when challenged or when things do not go their way.

Impact on the Organisation

The effects of a reactive narcissistic leader ripple throughout an organisation. Such leaders create environments where:

  • “Yes-people” thrive, while honest and critical voices are silenced
  • Blame shifts downward, while credit moves upward
  • Reality-testing becomes compromised as leaders, in an echo chamber, hear only what they want to hear
  • Leadership tantrums and outbursts intimidate and bully followers into childlike behaviour
  • A “hall of mirrors” effect develops where leaders and followers reinforce each other’s distorted views

Over time, these dynamics can create what Kets de Vries calls “neurotic organisations” – where the leader’s personal style creates dysfunctional strategies, structures, and decision-making patterns.

Supporting Development: A Coach’s Perspective

If you’re working with a narcissistic leader (or are one yourself), here are some developmental approaches that can help:

  1. First, awareness must be cultivated indirectly. Direct confrontation rarely works with narcissistic tendencies. Reflective questions work better: “How might your team interpret that decision?” or “What other perspectives could add value here?” These questions invite curiosity about others’ viewpoints without triggering defensiveness.
  2. Second, development should be framed in terms of outcomes, not personal flaws. “This approach might help you get even better results from your team” can prove more effective than suggesting a leader needs to change themselves. Narcissistic individuals respond better to opportunities for enhancement than to criticism.
  3. Third, structured reality-testing mechanisms make a difference. Regular anonymous feedback, external consultants reviewing major decisions, and board check-ins can provide objective data that’s harder to dismiss than individual opinions.

The Path Forward

The journey toward more balanced leadership is neither quick nor linear. Narcissistic patterns develop over decades and don’t transform overnight. Under stress, leaders often revert to entrenched behaviours. However, with consistent support and motivation, more balanced leadership styles can emerge.

The breakthrough often comes when leaders discover that appropriate vulnerability – terrifying for a narcissist – strengthens their position rather than weakening it. Taking responsibility and inviting honest input creates stronger teams and better decisions.

This reveals an important truth: narcissism isn’t something to eliminate from leadership but rather to harness and balance. The goal isn’t to strip away the conviction and self-confidence that make leaders effective, but to complement those qualities with genuine curiosity, appropriate vulnerability, and respect for others’ perspectives.

The healthiest leaders maintain this delicate balance – enough narcissism to believe in their vision and inspire others, but enough coupled with humility to hear difficult truths and adapt when necessary.

Want to dive deeper into this topic?

Here’s a list of further reading that you may find interesting…

Narcissistic Leadership: Narcissus on the Couch by Manfred Kets de Vries (2025), Routledge, First Edition.

Star Performers: Paradoxes wrapped up in enigmas by Manfred Kets de Vries (2012), Organizational Dynamics, Vol 41, Issue 3.

Coaching the Narcissistic Executive to Move Beyond Black or White by Manfred Kets de Vries & Oriane Kets de Vries (2018)

Coaching Challenging Executives by Manfred Kets de Vries and Caroline Rook in Mastering Executive Coaching (2018), Jonathan Passmore and Bryan Underhill, (Eds.) Routledge

Oriane Kets de Vries:

Oriane Kets de Vries is CEO and owner of the Kets de Vries Institute. She leads a global team of coaches, consultants and educators dedicated to developing reflective, emotionally intelligent leaders and cultivating workplaces where people can thrive. In her faculty role, she draws on extensive experience designing and directing leadership programmes for senior executives, contributing her expertise in psychodynamic coaching, organisational culture, and transformational leadership development.

Oriane has served as consultant, coach, and programme director for clients including Pictet, Deutsche Bank, Merck, UBS, Mishcon de Reya, and Engie, and she has taught on open-enrolment programmes with leading institutions such as Cambridge Judge Business School, Oxford Saïd, INSEAD, ESCP, ESMT and CEDEP. Her interests centre on the human side of leadership, particularly identity, creativity, entrepreneurship and gender dynamics. She holds an MBA and Executive MA in Coaching and Consulting for Change from INSEAD, has trained at the Harvard Kennedy School, and brings more than a decade of professional experience in creative and entrepreneurial industries into her work with leaders.

Manfred Kets de Vries:

Manfred Kets de Vries is a pioneering authority in leadership development, coaching, and organisational change. He is a founder and director of the Kets de Vries Institute (KDVI) and served as Distinguished Clinical Professor of Leadership Development and Organisational Change at INSEAD. With academic credentials in economics (University of Amsterdam), management (MBA and DBA, Harvard Business School), and psychoanalysis (trained in Canada), he brings a uniquely interdisciplinary perspective to leadership. His work bridges management theory and clinical insight, establishing him as a global thought leader in executive coaching and transformation. At INSEAD, he founded the Global Leadership Centre and led the flagship programme The Challenge of Leadership for 31 years. He also served as scientific director of Coaching and Consulting for Change, an 18-month Executive Master’s programme that has shaped over 3,000 senior leaders and executive coaches worldwide. He has advised and coached senior executives at global firms including Goldman Sachs, BP, Shell, Unilever, McKinsey, and Volvo. A prolific author of over 60 books and 400 articles, his work appears regularly in The Financial Times, The Economist, and Harvard Business Review. Recognised by Le Capital, Wirtschaftswoche, and The Financial Times as one of the world’s top 50 management thinkers, he is widely regarded for advancing more human-centred approaches to leadership.

Yulia Chupina:

Senior Adviser (Luminary) at Accenture and executive coach with over 12 years of board experience. Formerly a banker and McKinsey consultant, Yulia has led banking transformations in digital, agile, organisational change, and talent development. Her coaching spans the finance, tech, and consumer goods sectors, blending technological insight with emotional intelligence to guide leaders through transformation. Recently, she advised BBVA on agile methodologies and senior talent development. Influenced by thought leaders such as Manfred Kets de Vries and Gabor Maté, Yulia brings an analytical, reflective approach to leadership. She has lived and worked across the UK, Spain, the US, and Russia.

Elizabeth Florent:

Elizabeth has worked closely with Manfred Kets de Vries for many years and has served as a Senior Lecturer and Research Fellow at INSEAD. Her extensive background in leadership development spans organisational consulting, executive coaching, and academic research. She holds advanced degrees in Organisational Development and Clinical Organisational Psychology and is a certified Coaching Supervisor through the Tavistock Institute. Her doctoral research explored experiential domains in executive education, and she has authored or co-authored numerous academic articles, case studies, and books on leadership and organisational dynamics. Elizabeth led the development teams behind KDVI’s diagnostic instruments, including the GELM, OCA™, and ITI. Drawing on her diverse training and global experience, she brings deep cross-cultural insight to her work with leaders worldwide. Originally from California, Elizabeth has made France her home for over 30 years.